A collection of quotes, fortunes, anecdotes, and quips. Get new quotes everyday on facebook, twitter, and tumblr.

definitions quotes

Related Tags mark ardis, elbert hubbard, seventh chromosome, being told, oliver herford, cerebus, bitty machines, j mccabe, michael jackson, thomas k connellan, see also computer, goodstein, marcel marceau, jim warner, joan of arc

Expert, n.:
Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.


Genderplex, n.:
The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"


Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.


Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.


Arnold's Addendum:
Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.


write-protect tab, n.:
A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly left
by disk manufacturers. The use of the tab creates an error message
once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs the momentary
inconvenience.
-- Robb Russon


Ambition, n:
An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while
living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
-- Ambrose Bierce


Some points to remember [about animals]:
(1) Don't go to sleep under big animals, e.g., elephants, rhinoceri,
hippopotamuses;
(2) Don't put animals with sharp teeth or poisonous fangs down the
front of your clothes;
(3) Don't pat certain animals, e.g., crocodiles and scorpions or dogs
you have just kicked.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"


Kinkler's First Law:
Responsibility always exceeds authority.

Kinkler's Second Law:
All the easy problems have been solved.


honeymoon, n.:
A short period of doting between dating and debting.
-- Ray C. Bandy


Hand, n.:
A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"


Famous quotations:
" "
-- Charlie Chaplin

" "
-- Harpo Marx

" "
-- Marcel Marceau


Experience, n.:
Something you don't get until just after you need it.
-- Olivier


brain, v: [as in "to brain"]
To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source
of error in an opponent.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"


Air Force Inertia Axiom:
Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.


boy, n:
A noise with dirt on it.


Bowie's Theorem:
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.


Armstrong's Collection Law:
If the check is truly in the mail,
it is surely made out to someone else.


Bower's Law:
Talent goes where the action is.


Boucher's Observation:
He who blows his own horn always plays the music
several octaves higher than originally written.


Armor's Axiom:
Virtue is the failure to achieve vice.


Agnes' Law:
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.


Absurdity, n.:
A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"


boss, n:
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages the
words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss,
in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an
ornamental stud."


Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.


Bore, n.:
A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"


Arithmetic:
An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.


Age, n.:
That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we
still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise
to commit.
-- Ambrose Bierce


Booker's Law:
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.


Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.