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Confirmed bachelor:
A man who goes through life without a hitch.


Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.
Mathematician's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. By induction, all
odd numbers are prime.
Physicist's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is experimental
error. 11 is prime. 13 is prime ...
Engineer's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime.
11 is prime. 13 is prime ...
Computer Scientists's Proof:
3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime...


Clovis' Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly:
The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated
than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere,
bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.


Consent decree:
A document in which a hapless company consents never to commit
in the future whatever heinous violations of Federal law it
never admitted to in the first place.


Consultant, n.:
(1) Someone you pay to take the watch off your wrist and tell
you what time it is. (2) (For resume use) The working title
of anyone who doesn't currently hold a job. Motto: Have
Calculator, Will Travel.


Consultant, n.:
[From con "to defraud, dupe, swindle," or, possibly, French con
(vulgar) "a person of little merit" + sult elliptical form of
"insult."] A tipster disguised as an oracle, especially one who
has learned to decamp at high speed in spite of a large briefcase
and heavy wallet.


Consultant, n.:
An ordinary man a long way from home.


consultant, n.:
Someone who knowns 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date.


Consultant, n.:
Someone who'd rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on
the ground and tell the truth.


Consultation, n.:
Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."


Conversation, n.:
A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
is called the listener.


Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows
what is going on.

This person must be fired.


Androphobia:
Fear of men.


clone, n:
1. An exact duplicate, as in "our product is a clone of their
product." 2. A shoddy, spurious copy, as in "their product
is a clone of our product."


Correspondence Corollary:
An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half
your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.


Corry's Law:
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.


Clay's Conclusion:
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.


Coward, n.:
One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"


Creditor, n.:
A man who has a better memory than a debtor.


Crenna's Law of Political Accountability:
If you are the first to know about something bad, you are going to be
held responsible for acting on it, regardless of your formal duties.


Clarke's Conclusion:
Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.


Croll's Query:
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?


Cropp's Law:
The amount of work done varies inversly with the time spent in the
office.


Cruickshank's Law of Committees:
If a committee is allowed to discuss a bad idea long enough, it
will inevitably decide to implement the idea simply because so
much work has already been done on it.


clairvoyant, n.:
A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"


Andrea's Admonition:
Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you.
If you think his window is closed and he can't hear you,
it isn't and he can.


Beauty:
What's in your eye when you have a bee in your hand.


Cutler Webster's Law:
There are two sides to every argument, unless a person
is personally involved, in which case there is only one.


Christmas:
A day set apart by some as a time for turkey, presents, cranberry
salads, family get-togethers; for others, noted as having the best
response time of the entire year.


Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.