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Cynic, n.:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.

Data, n.:
An accrual of straws on the backs of theories.

Data, n.:
Computerspeak for "information". Properly pronounced
the way Bostonians pronounce the word for a female child.

Davis' Law of Traffic Density:
The density of rush-hour traffic is directly proportional to
1.5 times the amount of extra time you allow to arrive on time.

Davis's Dictum:
Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.

Dawn, n.:
The time when men of reason go to bed.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Clay's Conclusion:
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

Clarke's Conclusion:
Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.

clairvoyant, n.:
A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

default, n.:
[Possibly from Black English "De fault wid dis system is you,
mon."] The vain attempt to avoid errors by inactivity. "Nothing will
come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"

Andrea's Admonition:
Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you.
If you think his window is closed and he can't hear you,
it isn't and he can.

Deja vu:
French., already seen; unoriginal; trite.
Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
something actually being encountered for the first time.
Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
something actually being encountered for the first time.

What's in your eye when you have a bee in your hand.

Dentist, n.:
A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls
coins out of one's pockets.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

A day set apart by some as a time for turkey, presents, cranberry
salads, family get-togethers; for others, noted as having the best
response time of the entire year.

Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.

Beauty, n.:
The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
-- Ambrose Bierce

Chism's Law of Completion:
The amount of time required to complete a government project is
precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.

Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #84:
The CTA has complimentary pop-up timers available on request
for overheated passengers. When your timer pops up, the driver will
cheerfully baste you.
-- Chicago Reader 5/28/82

Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #36:
Never ever ask the tough looking gentleman wearing El Rukn headgear
where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer".
-- Chicago Reader 3/27/81

Battle, n.:
A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that
will not yield to the tongue.
-- Ambrose Bierce

Bathquake, n.:
The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water
faucet is turned on to a certain point.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
Computing. Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop
an ADA awareness.
-- "Datamation", January 15, 1984

Cheops' Law:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Chemicals, n.:
Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.

BASIC, n.:
A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in
that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.

Cheit's Lament:
If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you--
the next time he's in need.

Chef, n.:
Any cook who swears in French.

Basic Definitions of Science:
If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Telling the truth when you don't mean to.