discworld quotes

"Quick, you must come with me, you're in great danger!"
"Why?"
"Because I'll kill you if you dont."
(Sourcery)

'But look,' said Ponder, 'the graveyards are full of people who rushed in bravely but unwisely.'
'Ook.'
'What did he say?' said the Bursar.
'I think he said, "Sooner or later the graveyards are full of everybody".'
(Lords and Ladies)

"Slave is an Ephebian word. In Om we have no word for slave," said
Vorbis.
"So I understand," said the Tyrant. "I imagine that fish have no
word for water."
(Small Gods)

NOTHING IS FINAL. NOTHING IS ABSOLUTE. EXCEPT ME, OF COURSE. SUCH TINKERING WITH DESTINY COULD MEAN THE DOWNFALL OF THE WORLD. THERE MUST BE A CHANCE, HOWEVER SMALL. THE LAWYERS OF FATE DEMAND A LOOPHOLE IN EVERY PROPHECY.
(Sourcery)

I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. I TURN UP ONLY ONCE.
(Feet of Clay)

'Charity ain't giving people what you wants to give, it's giving people what they need to get.'
(Hogfather)

"my mother ran away before I was born".
(Sourcery)

He had a unique stride: it looked as though his body was being dragged
forward and his legs had to flail around underneath it, landing wherever
they could find room. It wasn't so much a walk as a collapse, indefinitely
postponed.
(Maskerade)

If you take the small view, the universe is just something small and round,
like those water-filled balls which produce a miniature snowstorm when you
shake them. Although, unless the ineffable plan is a lot more ineffable
than it's given credit for, it does not have a large plastic snowman at the
bottom.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

I reckon that Stonehege was build by the contemporary equivalent of
Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.
(alt.fan.pratchett)

On nights such as these the gods, as has already been pointed out, play
games other than chess with the fates of mortals and the thrones of kings.
It is important to remember that they always cheat, right up to the end...
(Wyrd Sisters)

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three
impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was
gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
(Reaper Man)

I think that sick people in Ankh-Morpork generally go to a vet. It's
generally a better bet. There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say "it was god's will" when granny dies, but they get *angry* when
they lose a cow.
(alt.fan.pratchett)

His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the
Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous
phrase, "You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and
there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink."
-- We meet Dydactylos the philosopher
(Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)

"That's right," he said. "We're philosophers. We think, therefore we am."
(Small Gods)

Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
(Strata)

"Woof. In tones of low menace."
-- Gaspode the wonder dog
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling,
never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted
meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease
and burnt crunchy bits.
(Men at Arms)

It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as
"slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked
as though it had beed badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well.
-- Ah, but has it been hedgehogged?
(Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)