discworld quotes

People have believed for hundreds of years that newts in a well mean that
the water's fresh and drinkable, and *in all that time* never asked
themselves whether the newts got out to go to the lavatory.
(Reaper Man)

Bognor has always meant to me the quintessential English seaside experience
(before all this global warming stuff): driving in the rain to get there,
walking around in the rain looking for something to do when you're there,
and driving home in the rain again...
(alt.fan.pratchett)

One of the most basic rules of survival on any planet is never to upset someone wearing black leather.
(The Last Continent)

'Begone From This Place Or I Will Smite Thee!' he [the god] commanded.
'Why?'
(The Last Continent)

Death was familiar with the concept of the eternal, ever-renewed hero, the champion with a thousand faces. He'd refrained from commenting.
(The Last Continent)

She'd always tried to face towards the light. She'd always tried to face towards the light. But the harder you stared into the brightness the harsher it burned into you until, at last, the temptation picked you up and bid you turn around to see how long, rich, strong and dark, streaming away behind you, your shadow had become-
(Carpe Jugulum)

"If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter."
-- Popcorn comes to the Discworld
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

Most alchemists were nervous, in any case; it came from not knowing what
the crucible of bubbling stuff they were experimenting with was going to do
next.
(Moving Pictures)

By and large, the only skill the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork had discovered
so far was the ability to turn gold into less gold.
(Moving Pictures)

The Archchancellor's most important job, as the Bursar saw it, was to sign
things, preferably, from the Bursar's point of view, without reading them
first.
-- Middle management explained
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

The ability to ask question like 'Where am I and who is the "I" that is asking?' is one of the things that distinguishes mankind from, say, cuttlefish.
(The Last Continent)

It was the sort of thing you expected in the Street of Alchemists. The
neighbours *preferred* explosions, which were at least identifiable and
soon over. They were better than the smells, which crept up on you.
(Moving Pictures)

Nanny Ogg looked him up and down or, at least, down and further down.
"You're a dwarf," she said.
-- Nanny Ogg meets Casanunda
(Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Perdita thought that not obeying rules was somehow *cool*. Agnes thought
that rules like "Don't fall into this huge pit of spikes" were there for a
purpose.
(Carpe Jugulum)

In Ghat they believe in vampire watermelons, although folklore is silent
about *what* they believe about vampire watermelons. Possibly they suck
back.
(Carpe Jugulum)

"Nac mac Feegle wha hae!"
(Carpe Jugulum)

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because -- what with trolls and
dwarfs and so on -- speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived
in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.
(Witches Abroad)

'People need vampires,' she [Granny] said. 'They helps 'em remember what stakes and garlic are for.'
(Carpe Jugulum)

People didn't hit you over the head with farmhouses back home.
-- Nanny Ogg gets homesick
(Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Vampires are [...] by nature as co-operative as sharks.
Vampyres are just the same, the only real difference being that they can't spell properly.
(Carpe Jugulum)