discworld quotes

'What's the first thing you'd take out of a burning house?'
'I reckon I'd take Greebo. 'Cos that shows I've got a warm and considerate nature.' - Gytha "Nanny" Ogg, a witch
'What would you like me to take, madam?' - Mr Salzella, a... no, I won't!
'The fire.' - Walter Plinge
'Who set fire to it?' - an undercover policeman
(Maskerade)

For Magrat, stepping into a man's bedroom was like an explorer stepping on
to that part of the map marked Here Be Dragons.
(Lords and Ladies)

- "So we're surrounded by absolutely nothing. There's a word for it. It's
what you get when there's nothing left and everything's been used up."
- "Yes. I think it's called the bill."
(Eric)

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you
never knew your luck.
(Lords and Ladies)

The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin although, in accordance with
the rules of universal humour, he still had his hat on.
(Lords and Ladies)

"Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to
extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum of moo. And I am afraid
to say that these days all I get is moo."
(Jingo)

The class was learning about some revolt in which some peasants had wanted
to stop being peasants and, since the nobles had won, had stopped being
peasants *really quickly*.
(Soul Music)

"It's called a shovel... I've seen gardeners use them. You stick the sharp end in the ground. Then it gets a bit technical.
(Reaper Man)

- "My granny says that dying is like going to sleep," Mort added, a shade
hopefully.
- I WOULDN'T KNOW. I HAVE DONE NEITHER.
(Mort)

'I'll see you all tomorrow. If there is one.'
(Men at Arms)

[...] Vimes's grin was as funny as the one that moves very fast towards
drowning men. And has a fin on top.
(Jingo)

A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally
established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon
or three normal sized billiard balls.
(The Light Fantastic)

"Hah, I can just see a real playsmith putting *donkeys* in a play!"
(Lords and Ladies)

"Worlds only harmonica-playing dog. Tuppence."
-- Gaspode the wonder dog
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

You can't make people happy by law. If you said to a bunch of average
people two hundred years ago "Would you be happy in a world where medical
care is widely available, houses are clean, the world's music and sights
and foods can be brought into your home at small cost, travelling even 100
miles is easy, childbirth is generally not fatal to mother or child, you
don't have to die of dental abcesses and you don't have to do what the
squire tells you" they'd think you were talking about the New Jerusalem and
say 'yes'.
(alt.fan.pratchett)

"Seems I can't get me 'ead down these days without rescuin' people or
foilin' robbers or sunnink."
-- It's a wonder dog's life
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

"I can explain it in Dog, but you only listen in Human."
-- Gaspode the wonder dog
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

"One o'clock pee em! Hello, Insert Name Here!"
-- The Dis-organizer
(Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

"... Percy the Pup here with a cold nose, bright eyes, glossy coat and
the brains of a stunned herring."
-- Gaspode the wonder dog on 'Laddie'
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

"When it's time to stop living, I will certainly make Death my number one
choice!"
(The Last Continent)