eric quotes

IT WOULD BE A MILLION TO ONE CHANCE, said Death. EXACTLY A MILLION TO ONE CHANCE.
'Oh,' said the Bursar, intensely relieved. 'Oh dear. What a shame.'
(Eric)

The sergeant put on the poker face which has been handed down from NCO to
NCO ever since one protoamphibian told another, lower ranking
protoamphibian to muster a squad of newts and Take That Beach.
(Eric)

No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpock. Well *technically* they had, quite
often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the
puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses
any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority
group with its own graffiti and food shops.
(Eric)

Old Tom was the single cracked bronze bell in the University bell tower.
The clapper dropped out shortly after it was cast, but the bell still
tolled out some tremendously sonorous silences every hour.
(Eric)

The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of
the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in
their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they
don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot
missionaries on sight.
(Eric)

- "So we're surrounded by absolutely nothing. There's a word for it. It's
what you get when there's nothing left and everything's been used up."
- "Yes. I think it's called the bill."
(Eric)

Forever was over. All the sands had fallen. The great race between entropy and energy had been run, and the favourite had been the winner after all.
Perhaps he ought to sharpen the blade again?
No.
Not much point, really.
(Eric)

The Supreme Life President of Hell wrote: "What business are we in???" He
thought for a bit, and then carefully wrote, underneath: "We are in the
damnation business!!!"
(Eric)

Rincewind had been told that death was just like going into another room.
The difference is, when you shout, "Where's my clean socks?", no-one
answers.
(Eric)

'It's always a good thing to let a few tales spread, you know. Pour encouragy le-poor encoura-to make everyone sit up and damn well take notice.'
(Eric)

It was true about the time measurement as well. The Tezumen had realized
long ago that everything was steadily getting worse and, having a terrible
little-mindedness, had developed a complex system to keep track of how much
worse each succeeding day was.
(Eric)

The trouble is that things *never* get better, they just stay the same,
only more so.
(Eric)

Demons have existed on the Discworld for at least as long as the gods, who in many ways they closely resemble. The difference is basically the same as between terrorists and freedom fighters.
(Eric)

"You mean mysterious ancient races of Amazonian princesses who subject all
male prisoners to strange and exhausting progenitative rites?" said Eric,
his glasses beginning to fog.
(Eric)

'There's something not right about this,' said Rincewind.
'What's that?' said the parrot.
'Everything.'
(Eric)

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to
storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the
citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.
(Eric)

- "What're quantum mechanics?"
- "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."
(Eric)

- "There's a door"
- "Where does it go?"
- "It stays where it is, I think."
(Eric)