hogfather quotes

To him breathing was an intellectual that had to be concentrated on. He could just manage one nostril at a time at the moment.
(Hogfather)

"What do you call that warm feeling you get inside?"
"Heartburn?"
(Hogfather)

She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do.
And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find
herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death
with her own umbrella.
(Hogfather)

"I really should talk to him. He's had a near-death experience!"
"We all have. It's called living."
(Hogfather)

Drinks like this tend to get called Traffic Lights or Rainbow's Revenge or, in places where truth is more highly valued, Hello and Goodbye Mr Brain Cell.
(Hogfather)

' I really should talk to him, sir. He's had a near-death experience!'
'We all do. It's called living.'
(Hogfather)

*Glingleglingleglingle.*
(Hogfather)

That statement is either so deep that it would take a lifetime to fully comprehend, or it is a load of absolute tosh.
(Hogfather)

It wasn't that her [Susan's] parents didn't believe in such things. They didn't need to believe in them. They knew they existed. They just wished they didn't.
(Hogfather)

The Quirmian philosopher Ventre put forward the suggestion that "Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?" When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said "We're going to show you what we think of Mr Clever Dick in these parts..."
(Hogfather)

YOU [humans] NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?
(Hogfather)

He was considered by Ankh-Morpork's professional underclass to be something of an intellectual because some of his tattoos were spelt right.
(Hogfather)

"I could certainly run a marvellous university here if only we didn't have to have all these damn students underfoot all the time."
(Hogfather)

This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian
philosopher Ventre, who said, "Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they
do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go
to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing,
right?" When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking
sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr
Clever Dick in these parts..."
(Hogfather)

"I am sure he wouldn't keep eating them if they were addictive."
(Hogfather)

"Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot."
(Hogfather)

Biers was where the undead drank. And when Igor the barman was asked for a
Bloody Mary, he didn't mix a metaphor.
(Hogfather)

'Never say die, master. That's our motto, eh?'
I CAN'T SAY IT'S EVER REALLY BEEN MINE.
(Hogfather)

Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree. But people
have always been dimly aware of the problem with the start of things. They
wonder how the snowplough driver gets to work, or how the makers of
dictionaries look up the spelling of words.
(Hogfather)

"That statement is either so deep it would take a lifetime to fully
comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute tosh.
Which is it, I wonder?"
(Hogfather)