homer quotes

... and thank you most of all for nuclear power,
which has yet to cause a single proven fatality.
At least in this country. Amen.

-- Homer, saying grace, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"

Unlike most of you, I am not a nut."

-- Homer in Homer's Odyssey

"BART!" -- Homer in almost every episode

Teacher: Simpson, be quiet!
Homer: I haven't seen you in school before.
Teacher: Okay, Simpson,
Homer: What?
Teacher: You just bought yourself
another day of detention.
Homer: Maybe we should get together sometime.
Teacher: Two days!
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name.
Homer: I'm Homer
Teacher: Three days!
Homer: J.
Teacher: Four days!
Homer: Simpson.
Teacher: Five days!
Homer: It was worth it!
Teacher: Six days!
Okay, Simpson, to the back of the room!

-- Homer's painful introduction The Way We Was

"You know, Marge, getting old is a terrible thing. I think the saddest day
of my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at most things. Bart
experienced that at the age of 4."

-- Homer in Moaning Lisa

Some things are so snazzy they never go out of style!
Like tail fins... And bubble domes... And shag carpeting...

-- Homer, designing a car, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"

"Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy."

-- Homer in Moaning Lisa

Apu (Kwik-E-Mart clerk): "Haven't I seen you on TV somewhere before?"
Homer: "Nah, you have me confused with Fred Flintstone."

-- Homer's Night Out

Homer: Oh, 125 bucks...
[Flanders appears in a `thought' balloon over Homer's head]
Flanders: Sometimes, you got to spoil yourself... spoil yourself...
spoil yourself...
Homer: Buty I can't afford to...
Flanders: Simpson! I order you to buy those shoes!
Homer: Okay, Flanders, you're the boss! Heh heh heh.

-- Homer and his conscience? "Bart's Dog Gets an F"

Oh, why did I have to start my diet on pork chop night?

-- Homer, setting out on his diet, "Brush with Greatness"

"This is the way I've always thought it should be. We've always blamed
ourselves, but I guess we know what cylinder wasn't firing!"

-- Homer in Crepes of Wrath

"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're mistaken!"

-- Homer in Homer's Odyssey

"Chocolate ... double chocolate ... *gasp!* New flavor! Triple chocolate!"

-- Homer in Krusty Gets Busted

Ooh, pretty creepy. Still, I'd rather have him chasing me than the Wolf Man.

-- Homer admires the mummy at the museum, "Lisa's Substitute"

Marge: That's wonderful, isn't it kids?
Lisa: [to Bart] Pass the moo juice.
Marge: Kids, remember what I told you about showing a little support?
Lisa: Way to go, Dad!
Bart: You look mahvelous!
Maggie: [toasts Homer with her bottle of formula]
-- Homer reaches his weight goal, "Brush with Greatness"

"Bart, you say butt kisser like it's a bad thing!"

-- Homer in Bart the General

"When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a
bottle. THEY'RE ON TV!"

-- Homer in There's No Disgrace Like Home

"A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center."

-- Homer in Tell-Tale Head

I want a horn here, here, and here.
You can never find a horn when you're mad.
And they should all play `La Cucaracha'.

-- Homer, designing a car, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"

"Okay, nobody move, nobody panic. At the count of three, everyone open your
doors and ever so quietly, slowly slide out. At the count of three. One ...

-- Homer in Call of the Simpsons