men women quotes

It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will
not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and
because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature
human beings.
The worst kind of friend to take home is a girl, because in that case,
there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the
duration of the visit but forever. The worst kind of girl to take home is one
of a different religion: Not only will you be lost to your parents forever but
you will be lost to a woman who is immune to their religious/moral arguments
and whose example will irretrievably corrupt you.
Let's say you've fallen in love with just such a girl and would like
to take her home for the holidays. You are aware of your parents' xenophobic
response to anyone of a different religion. How to prepare them for the shock?
Simple. Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you
have gotten quite serious about somebody who is of a different religion, a
different race and the same sex. Tell them you have already invited this
person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then
remark that you were only kidding, that your lover is merely of a different
religion. They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
-- Playboy, January, 1983

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
-- Sigmund Freud

Marriage is an institution in which two undertake to become one, and one
undertakes to become nothing.

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
-- John Heywood

I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
-- Art Leo

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner

That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
-- Rita Rudner

Changing husbands/wives is only changing troubles.
-- Kathleen Norris

It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out
next morning it was someone else.
-- Will Rogers

One evening he spoke. Sitting at her feet, his face raised to her,
he allowed his soul to be heard. "My darling, anything you wish, anything
I am, anything I can ever be... That's what I want to offer you -- not the
things I'll get for you, but the thing in me that will make me able to get
them. That thing -- a man can't renounce it -- but I want to renounce it -- so
that it will be yours -- so that it will be in your service -- only for you."
The girl smiled and asked: "Do you think I'm prettier than Maggie
Kelly?"
He got up. He said nothing and walked out of the house. He never
saw that girl again. Gail Wynand, who prided himself on never needing a
lesson twice, did not fall in love again in the years that followed.
-- Ayn Rand, "The Fountainhead"

A man's gotta know his limitations.
-- Clint Eastwood, "Dirty Harry"

Darling: the popular form of address used in speaking to a member of the
opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.
-- Oliver Herford

When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never
tried before.
-- Mae West, "Klondike Annie"

Kath: Can he be present at the birth of his child?
Ed: It's all any reasonable child can expect if the dad is present
at the conception.
-- Joe Orton, "Entertaining Mr. Sloane"

A real gentleman never takes bases unless he really has to.
-- Overheard in an algebra lecture.

No man can have a reasonable opinion of women until he has long lost
interest in hair restorers.
-- Austin O'Malley

Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least
when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
-- James Thurber

Tehee quod she, and clapte the wyndow to.
-- Geoffrey Chaucer

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kin Hubbard