mike harding quotes

The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's
outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by
mistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club. Once
tied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims
the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

... if forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the
cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and
nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains
looming up ahead ...

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history of the
Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866. The
white smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before
it dawned on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his
name had hilarious possibilities. The crowds fell about, helpless with
laughter, singing
Half a pound of tuppenny rice
Half a pound of treacle
That's the way the chimney smokes
Pope Goestheveezl
The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of
laughter streaming down their faces. The event set a record for
hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron
Hans Neizant B"ompzidaize was elected Landburgher of K"oln in 1653.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that
consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune
of "Camptown Races". Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to
listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little
green women you've got in the house.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies,
the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a
nose bleed, which usually cures them of ____that.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

economics, n.:
Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J.K. Galbraith.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or
a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it
to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by
forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy. If you
stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit
punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong
enough to punch you.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Gold, n.:
A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It
is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men
who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although
gold hasn't done anything to them.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his
feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston
Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg. The padanga is dying
out because the female padanga doesn't take it too
seriously.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in
his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on
one leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
take it too seriously.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him,
until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and
changed its name to "America".

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that
consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune
of "Camptown Races". Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to
listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Accidents cause History.

-- If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat
Tyler, the Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the
motor car would not have been invented until 2026, which
would have meant that all the oil could have been used for
lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and the whale, and
nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in
courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk
clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods
of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
Hedgehog Eater.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

The people of Halifax invented the trampoline. During the
Victorian period the tripe-dressers of Halifax stretched tripe across a
large wooden frame and jumped up and down on it to `tender and dress'
it. The tripoline, as they called it, degenerated into becoming the
apparatus for a spectator sport.

-- The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for
castrating pigs during Sunday service.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women
you've got in the house.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women
you've got in the house.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in
his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on
one leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
take it too seriously.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests,
since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"