pets quotes

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
-- Garrison Keillor

If you have received a letter inviting you to speak at the dedication of a
new cat hospital, and you hate cats, your reply, declining the invitation,
does not necessarily have to cover the full range of your emotions. You must
make it clear that you will not attend, but you do not have to let fly at cats.
The writer of the letter asked a civil question; attack cats, then, only if
you can do so with good humor, good taste, and in such a way that your answer
will be courteous as well as responsive. Since you are out of sympathy with
cats, you may quite properly give this as a reason for not appearing at the
dedication ceremonies of a cat hospital. But bear in mind that your opinion
of cats was not sought, only your services as a speaker. Try to keep things
straight.
-- Strunk and White, "The Elements of Style"

Lost: gray and white female cat. Answers to electric can opener.

Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be
liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall
be deemed to be a cat.
-- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London

The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.
-- Kevin Cowherd

"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?"
"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."
"That was the curious incident."
-- A. Conan Doyle, "Silver Blaze"

Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
-- R. Heinlein

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash

When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt
to defend itself when he tries to kill it.

I love dogs, but I hate Chihuahuas. A Chihuahua isn't a dog. It's a rat
with a thyroid problem.

The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.
-- C. Schulz

"Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern
technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat."

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't make eight cats pull a sled through
the snow.

Everyone *knows* cats are on a higher level of existence. These silly humans
are just to big-headed to admit their inferiority.
Just think what a nicer world this would be if it were controlled by
cats.
You wouldn't see cats having waste disposal problems.
They're neat.
They don't have sexual hangups. A cat gets horny, it does something
about it.
They keep reasonable hours. You *never* see a cat up before noon.
They know how to relax. Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?
What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war? Pretty neglible.
It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to
do with ones time. Like lie in the sun and sleep. Or go exploring the world.

"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little
Lavoris in the toilet."
-- Jay Leno

In the eyes of my dog, I'm a man.
-- Martin Mull

If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?

The difference between dogs and cats is that dogs come when they're
called. Cats take a message and get back to you.

Auribus teneo lupum.
[I hold a wolf by the ears.]
[Boy, it *sounds* good. But what does it *mean*?]

Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.