A collection of quotes, fortunes, anecdotes, and quips. Get new quotes everyday on facebook, twitter, and tumblr.

pratchett quotes

Related Tags discworld, shlomif fav, magic, science, people, definitions, humorists, codehappy

“Woof bloody woof.”
-- Gaspode the Wonder Dog
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)


“Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig h'an't noticed they're
gone!”
-- Genuine pig portion packages
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)


I think that sick people in Ankh-Morpork generally go to a vet. It's
generally a better bet. There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say "it was god's will" when granny dies, but they get *angry* when
they lose a cow.
(alt.fan.pratchett)


He nodded to the troll which was employed by the Drum as a splatter
[footnote: Like a bouncer, but trolls use more force].
-- Nobby takes Carrot for a drink in The Mended Drum
(Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)


“I can bite your leg if you like.”
-- Gaspode the wonder dog
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)


AFPer: We've missed you, did you miss us?

TP: Yes, but I think I have time to reload.

:-)
-- Terry returns to a.f.p. after a temporary absence.
(Terry Pratchett and an AFPer, alt.fan.pratchett)


What your soldier wants-- really, really wants -- is no-one shooting back
at him.
(alt.fan.pratchett)


The maze was so small that people got lost looking *for* it.
-- Bloody Stupid Johnson at his finest
(Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms)


“?” he said.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)


People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across
the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from
behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone
else."
-- Carrot travels to Ankh-Morpork
(Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)


“He didn't take any notice!” whispered Tomjon.
"A born critic," said the dwarf.
-- Discworld stage actors in conversation
(Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters)


Women's clothes were not a subject that preoccupied Cutwell much -- in
fact, usually when he thought about women his mental pictures seldom
included any clothes at all -- but the vision in front of him really did
take his breath away.
-- Princess Keli prepares for her coronation
(Terry Pratchett, Mort)


The only time Crowley had bought petrol was once in 1967, to get the free
James Bond bullet-hole-in-the-windscreen transfers, which he rather fancied
at the time.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)


He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the
Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)


“You won't get away with this,” said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and
added, "Well, you will probably get away with it, but you'll feel bad about
it on your deathbed and you'll wish -- "
He stopped talking.
-- Cutwell tries to reason with the Duke of Sto Helit
(Terry Pratchett, Mort)


'They can ta'k our live but they can never ta'k our freedom!'

Now *there's* a battle cry not designed by a clear thinker...
-- Braveheart
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


“You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say.”
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)


I always thought Detritus would be good at:

“I bet you're wondrin' how many time I fired dis crossbow--”
(alt.fan.pratchett)


“Did you check the list?”
YES. TWICE. ARE YOU SURE THAT'S ENOUGH?
-- He's gonna find out...
(Terry Pratchett, Hogfather)


“ER...HO. HO. HO.”
-- Death makes a career move
(Terry Pratchett, Hogfather)


SQUEAK.
-- The Death of Rats
(Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)


REMIND ME AGAIN, he said, HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE.
-- Death on symbolic last games
(Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)


“Maybe you should loosen her clothing or something.”
-- Gaspode the wonder dog
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)


I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy
for those who did.
(alt.fan.pratchett)


He was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were.
-- Crowley listens to his favourite rock group
(Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)


“And Howondaland Smith, Balrog Hunter, practic'ly eats the dark for
his tea.”
-- Gaspode the wonder dog
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)


“Ibid you already know.”
-- More Discworld philosophers
(Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)


He'd been particularly pleased with Manchester.
-- Crowley contemplating his achievements
(Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)


“... Percy the Pup here with a cold nose, bright eyes, glossy coat and
the brains of a stunned herring.”
-- Gaspode the wonder dog on 'Laddie'
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)


“Serve 'em right for not inviting me to their weddings.”
-- Ridcully contemplates the Trousers of Time
(Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)