riddles quotes

Q: What do monsters eat?
A: Things.

Q: What do monsters drink?
A: Coke. (Because Things go better with Coke.)

Q: Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and
New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A: God gave New Jersey first choice.

Q: What do little WASPs want to be when they grow up?
A: The very best person they can possibly be.

Q: Why is Poland just like the United States?
A: In the United States you can't buy anything for zlotys and in
Poland you can't either, while in the U.S. you can get whatever
you want for dollars, just as you can in Poland.
-- being told in Poland, 1987

Q: What does friendship among Soviet nationalities mean?
A: It means that the Armenians take the Russians by the hand; the
Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukranians take
the Uzbeks by the hand; and they all go and beat up the Jews.

Q: How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he gets three credits for it.

Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot
to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for
reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb-assassin to break
the bulb in the first place.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He was giving it last rites.

Q: What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A: A doberman.

Q: What do you call the money you pay to the government when
you ride into the country on the back of an elephant?
A: A howdah duty.

Q: What does it say on the bottom of Coke cans in North Dakota?
A: Open other end.

Q: What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?
A: A dinner party.

Q: Why haven't you graduated yet?
A: Well, Dad, I could have finished years ago, but I wanted
my dissertation to rhyme.

Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One and a half.

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #21
A: Dr. Livingston I. Presume.
Q: What's Dr. Presume's full name?

Q: What's the difference between a duck and an elephant?
A: You can't get down off an elephant.

Q: Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"
A: Easy. It's because they can't figure out how to get the little
bottles into the typewriter.

Q: What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
A: Zorn's Lemon.

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #13
A: Doc, Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, & Grumpy
Q: Who were the Democratic presidential candidates?

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.