simpsons homer quotes

Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?

Homer: Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his
conversion by Ambrose of Milan.

-- Homer Simpson
Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily

I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard. And
-- and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey
myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises -- you got it?

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror II

Homer: I'm a bad father!

Selma: You're also fat!

Homer: I'm also fat!

Saturdays of Thunder

Foul temptress. I'll bet she thinks Ziggy's gotten too preachy, too!

-- Homer Simpson
The Last Temptation of Homer

So if we don't all vote the same way, we'll be deadlocked and have to
be sequestered in the Springfield Palace Hotel ...

-- Homer Simpson
The Boy Who Knew Too Much

Homer: No TV and No Beer Make Homer ... something something.

Marge: Go crazy?

Homer: Don't mind if I do!

Treehouse of Horror V

It all happened at the beginning of that turbulent decade known as the
eighties. Those were idealistic days: the candidacy of John Anderson,
the rise of Supertramp. It was an exciting time to be young.

-- Homer Simpson
I Married Marge

Twenty of the suckiest minutes of my life.

-- Homer Simpson
Burns, Baby Burns

Homer: I don't want you to see me sitting on my worthless butt.

Bart: We've seen it, Dad.

Homer at the Bat

Herb: I want you to help me design a car. A car for all the Homer
Simpsons out there! And I want to pay you two hundred thousand
dollars a year!

Homer: And I want to let you!

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

Homer: There couldn't be heaven if there weren't a hell.

Bart: Who's in there?

Homer: Oh, uh ... Hitler's dog. And that dog Nixon had, whassisname, um,
Chester ...

Lisa: Checkers.

Homer: Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one -- the
one that mauled Jimmy.

Dog of Death

Losers! Losers! Kiss my big Springfield behind, Shelbyville!

-- Homer Simpson
Homer Loves Flanders

Burns: Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club! A
sand wedge!

Homer: Mmm ... open-faced club sandwich.

Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield

Woman: Your son was trespassing on my property and destroyed a very
valuable stone gargoyle, and -- Are you wearing a grocery bag?

Homer: I have misplaced my pants.

Bart After Dark

Anyway, we'd like to thank you for the occasional moments of peace and
love our family's experienced ... well, not today. You saw what
happened. Oh, Lord, be honest. Are we the most pathetic family in
the universe, or what?

-- Homer Simpson
Bart vs. Thanksgiving

This is the greatest thrill of my life! I'm king of the world! Wooo,
wooo! Wooo, wooo!

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Daredevil

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in
every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

-- Homer Simpson
The PTA Disbands

I didn't want a hokey second wedding like those ones on TV! This one's
for real!

-- Homer Simpson
A Milhouse Divided

Hmmm, look at those eyes. He's trying to hypnotize me, but not in the
good Las Vegas way.

-- Homer Simpson
Mountain of Madness

Ah, sweet pity: where would my love life have been without it?

-- Homer Simpson
I Love Lisa