simpsons homer quotes

This is the greatest thrill of my life! I'm king of the world! Wooo,
wooo! Wooo, wooo!

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Daredevil

So if we don't all vote the same way, we'll be deadlocked and have to
be sequestered in the Springfield Palace Hotel ...

-- Homer Simpson
The Boy Who Knew Too Much

Ah, sweet pity: where would my love life have been without it?

-- Homer Simpson
I Love Lisa

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in
every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

-- Homer Simpson
The PTA Disbands

I didn't want a hokey second wedding like those ones on TV! This one's
for real!

-- Homer Simpson
A Milhouse Divided

Quiet, you kids! If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch
cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.

-- Homer Simpson
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

Burns: Good Lord, Smithers! You look atrocious. I thought I told you to
take a vacation.

Homer: Uh, Smithers already left, sir. I'm his replacement, Homer
Simpson.

Homer the Smithers

Flanders:
They're not perfect, but the Lord says love they neighbor --

Homer: Shut up, Flanders.

Flanders:
Okely-dokely-do.

Hurricane Neddy

Homer: I'm sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we're the worst family in
town.

Marge: Maybe we should move to a larger community.

There's No Disgrace Like Home

Bart: Oh, cheer up, Mom. You can't buy publicity like that. Thousands
and thousands of people saw your pretzels injuring Whitey Ford.

Homer: You can call them Whitey-whackers!

-- Homer Simpson
The Twisted World of Marge Simpson

Two-hundred-thirty-nine pounds?! I'm a blimp! Why are all the good
things so tasty?

-- Homer Simpson
Brush With Greatness

Homer: Well, the evening began at the Gentleman's Club, where we were
discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.

Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.

Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Ya
happy?

The Springfield Files

Bart: I had a fight with Milhouse.

Homer: That four-eyes with the big nose? You don't need friends like
that.

Lisa: How Zen.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer Defined

Hmmm, look at those eyes. He's trying to hypnotize me, but not in the
good Las Vegas way.

-- Homer Simpson
Mountain of Madness

Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the Police Academy, I
thought it's be fun and exciting, like the movie `Spaceballs.' But
instead, it's been painful and disturbing, like the movie `Police
Academy.'

-- Homer Simpson
The Springfield Connection

Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?

Homer: Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his
conversion by Ambrose of Milan.

-- Homer Simpson
Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily

And thank you most of all for nuclear power, which is yet to cause a
single proven fatality, at least in this country.

-- Homer Simpson
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

Oh, `no attitude,' eh? Not `in your face,' huh? Well, you can cram it
with walnuts, ugly!

-- Homer Simpson
The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show

You heard me. I won't be in for the rest of the week ... I told you.
My baby beat me up ... Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought
up.

-- Homer Simpson
Itchy & Scratchy & Marge

Time to fertilize the lawn. A couple of 500-pound bags should do it!

-- Homer Simpson
Homer vs. Patty and Selma