A collection of quotes, fortunes, anecdotes, and quips. Get new quotes everyday on facebook, twitter, and tumblr.

simpsons homer quotes

Related Tags scoutz n the hood, annoyed grunt

Oh, the guys are work are going to have a field day with this.

-- Homer Simpson
The Call of the Simpsons


Oh everything's cruel according to you. Keeping him chained us in the
backyard is cruel. Pulling his tail is cruel. Yelling in his ears is
cruel. Everything is cruel. So excuse me if I'm cruel.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart Gets An Elephant


Well let's call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would
say, `Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't
Homer J. Simpson.'

-- Homer Simpson
Secrets of a Successful Marriage


Homer: You know what?

Grampa: What?

Homer: We're both screw-ups.

Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy


Homer: Aw, Marge, kids, I miss my club.

Marge: Oh, Homey. You know, you are a member of a very exclusive
club.

Homer: The Black Panthers?

Homer the Great


If the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that
girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and
foxy boxing and such and such.

-- Homer Simpson
Lisa on Ice


All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money back by selling one
of my livers. I can get by with one.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer vs. Patty and Selma


I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we
become a family of traveling acrobats.

-- Homer Simpson
Dog of Death


Man: You must be stupider than you look.

Homer: Stupider like a fix!

Lemon of Troy


Lenny: Yeah, he got injured on the job and they sent him home with
pay. Pfft. It's like a lottery that rewards stupidity.

Homer: Stupidity, eh?

King-Size Homer


Woo Hoo! Good news everybody! Because I endangered lives, we can fly
anywhere we want!

-- Homer Simpson
Fear of Flying


What's everyone so worked up about? So there's a comet. Big deal.
It'll burn up in out atmosphere, and whatever's left will be no bigger
than a chihuahua's head.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart's Comet


Marge, let's end this feudin' and a-fussin' and get down to some lovin'.

-- Homer Simpson
Colonel Homer


There are perfectly good answers to those questions, but they'll have
to wait for another night.

-- Homer Simpson
Homers Barbershop Quartet


Marge: I would love you if you weighed 1,000 pounds but ...

Homer: Beautiful. G'night.

King-Size Homer


Homer: But wait. You can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him.
I'm Homer Simpson.

Fat Tony:
The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of
out club?

Homer: Uh ... actually my name is Barney. Yeah. Barney Gumble.

Homie the Clown


Dasher, Dancer ... Prancer ... Nixon, Comet, Cupid ... Donna Dixon.

-- Homer Simpson
Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire


Homer/Apu/Moe:
You can do it, Otto!
You can do it, Otto!

Apu: Make this spare, I'll give you free gelato!

Moe: Then go back to my place where I will get you blotto!

Homer: Domo arigato, Mister Roboto!

Team Homer


Marge: It was a beautiful wedding. I've never seen Selma happier.

Homer: That reminds me -- Troy said something interesting last night
at the bar. Apparently he doesn't really love Selma and the
marriage is just a sham to help his career.

A Fish Called Selma


This is even more painful than it looks.

-- Homer Simpson
Brother from the Same Planet


When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodsucking
monsters, always wanting more, more, more! And if you give it to 'em,
you'll get back plenty in return.

-- Homer Simpson
Lisa the Beauty Queen


All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to
fly home, then I will murder him.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart on the Road


Homer: Hey, Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing,
and we can't both win.

Flanders:
Actually, Simpson, we were praying that no one gets hurt.

Dead Putting Society


The weak and nerdy are admired for their computer-programming abilities.

-- Homer Simpson
Bart vs. Australia


Marge: You don't have to join a freak show just because the
opportunity came along.

Homer: You know, Marge, in some ways you and I are very different
people.

Homerpalooza


Homer: We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a
bucket of fish heads once a week.

Marge: It saved out marriage!

Treehouse of Horror VII


Kids, kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential
murderers.

-- Homer Simpson
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part 2)


Flanders:
Y'know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly, but, uh, you know, what
the hey, you know ... kinda reminds me of my good ole
fraternity days.

Homer: D'oh! Oh my God! He's enjoying it!

Dead Putting Society


Look, just gimme some inner peace, or I'll mop the floor with ya!

-- Homer Simpson
El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer


Merchant:
Sir, I must strongly advise you, do not purchase this. Behind
every wish lurks grave misfortune. I, myself, was one
president of Algeria.

Homer: C'mon, pal, I don't want to hear your life story! Paw me.

Treehouse of Horror II